My New Year's Resolutions are Boring Reruns

Every year I make the same resolutions and every year nothing changes. Number one on my list is to lose weight. I am sure this tops 99% of the American population's lists. I weigh EXACTLY the same as I did last year. No more, no less......exactly the same. I tried many things to correct this situation but I didn't try that hard for very long. As we all know, I am a bit lazy.

So I said to myself, "Self, what is your deal?!" Why is nothing motivating me? I am obviously overweight but I guess sometimes I just don't care. I have decided I need to figure out the underlying issues as to why I don't care. So I sat myself on my therapy-shrink couch in my head.

After much deliberation, this is what I have come up with.

1. I have no set time to myself. I have free time but no set aside time JUST FOR ME. I eat to reward myself. I need another reward system.  

2. I have never taken much pleasure out of name brand clothes or dresses, I just wear what fits. I am a nurse and I wear scrubs a lot. We all know scrubs can stretch very far so I am oblivious when I start to gain a little weight. The following picture is not me, I just thought it was hilarious.

3. I eat when I am bored, I eat when I am tired, I eat when other people eat, and I eat when there is something in front of me. It feels good and I love food. 

So I have decided to make up a whole new set of resolutions! The theme is loving myself.

1. Make one day a week all about me. On that day while the kids are in school, I will go nowhere and do nothing for anybody but me. On this day I will scrapbook, catch up on projects, take a nap, walk around the neighborhood, get my house in order, and just watch the DVR while I do laundry. The rest of the week I will full fill my obligations to work, family, and friends but Tuesday is MINE! If I tell you I can't do something on a Tuesday because I am terribly busy, I am probably just taking a nap.  

2. I will take better care of me! If I see cute clothes, I will get them because I can't tell you the last time I bought anything but underwear! I will put on make-up when I am going to see people. I will paint my toe nails. I will get my eyebrows waxed on a regular basis and ....... wait for it..... I will shave my legs above the knee.

3. I plan on fixing my third problem of eating whatever by..... eating. You heard me. I am going to eat a lot. I believe there is a war term for what I plan to do and it is called a pre-emptive strike. I plan to never reach the point of just looking for something to eat. I will wake up and eat a big bowl of some high fiber cereal (Cheerios or Honey-Bunches of Oat) with a banana. An apple for brunch. Then I will eat a huge salad or chicken salad for lunch. An orange for snack. Then I will eat a whole can of vegetables with my meat at night. I will tell myself, "You HAVE to eat this! I don't care that you aren't hungry. Eat it!" (I am talking to myself a lot in this blog). I will be so full of food that I won't even look sideways at a vending machine or any other junk food outlet.  

So that is my big plan. I have a few other resolutions such as being a better parent, wife, saving money, blah, blah, blah.... I will focus on all that later.